For many hopeful parents, the fertility process can be an exhausting and emotional battle. You may have already tried IVF and applied for adoption and are still waiting for the family that you dream of. Many people who have used a surrogate to have a child say that the process is a rewarding one that is filled with complex relationships.
Using a surrogate may not seem like the best choice for everyone, but with time the process has become refined and easier for all parties involved. Your surrogate can help you create a family that may have been impossible to achieve by other methods.
If you are considering using a surrogate, make sure that you do your homework and find out as much as you can about the process before making any decisions. For everything that you need to know about surrogacy, click here for more information.
To develop a healthy relationship with your surrogate you need to focus on 4 important aspects: trust, communication, setting boundaries and being flexible. Let’s take a look how these elements can help you create a strong and healthy bond with your surrogate.
Just the nature of the surrogate process is one that needs to have high levels of trust. You are depending on another person to carry and deliver your child to you, and the surrogate is hoping to be treated respectfully and fairly. Too much micromanagement of the situation can lead to tension. The parents and the surrogate all need to put their trust in the process and each other. All parties need to believe that the best interests of the child are the most important aspect.
The surrogacy process can be a long one with many ups and downs. Open communication about how everyone is feeling is an important part of the bonding process, so remember to be genuine and honest about your feelings. There are counsellors available that can help guide you through the process and establish clear expectations from the parents and surrogate.
There are many emotions and ties that can sometimes blur the boundaries between parent and surrogate. It is an emotionally complex situation that can be a challenge to maintain. Boundaries can be different for every family, but should be agreeable on all sides by each party. Let the relationship form naturally and be open and forthright about what you are comfortable with. Boundaries are a topic that can be revisited throughout the process. Relationships change as they grow and boundaries can be altered as it suits your family.
Surrogates have their own lives and often families to deal with during the process. It is important to let them live as normally as possible and make easy adjustments to the plan when possible. Learning to strike a fair compromise will go a long way to maintaining a strong relationship. Being able to adapt as the process changes as a “family” can go a long way to making the surrogacy process go smoothly.